


don't die so far from the sea

by nutellamuffin



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: And I just, Angst, Drabble, I just have a lot of feelings about him, a bit of prose, and he seemed so happy aboard the dawn treader, and he was given a throne he wasn't ready for, and he's trying to fix EVERYTHING the other kings ruined, listen, love him ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nutellamuffin/pseuds/nutellamuffin
Summary: it takes edmund seeing caspian jump into the water, a grin on his face and a cry of his name, to compare him to when he last saw him.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	don't die so far from the sea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MostlyFandomTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostlyFandomTrash/gifts).



> title is from GOT i'm pretty sure ayeeeee

it takes edmund seeing caspian jump into the water, a grin on his face and a cry of his name, to compare him to when he last saw him. (eighteen, full of adrenaline, running on wit to survive and unintentional anger, and hating himself for it the whole time.)

it might as well have been a different man aboard the _dawn treader_ , when a cry of _“land in sight!”_ reaches his ears and he all but runs up the staircase to see it with his own eyes.

and perhaps it has something to do with what he is at sea; he is a king, yes, but with no crown in view. he does not have to deal with suggested marriages and cold, stone thrones and said crown that weighs his head to the floor.

aboard the _dawn treader_ , he is free. the waves kiss his fingertips and he may map the stars at night, he may watch the sunrise and the sky set itself on fire when it sets, he may do nothing but feel the wind in his hair and chase one goal among many at a time.

and then they go home.

they go _home,_ but this cold, empty castle has never been a home to him, not in a way that counts. it was a home once, perhaps, when he was five and full of butterflies in his limbs and was all elbows as he rolled down a hill. when he burst into the throne room and threw himself into his father’s lap, when he put his crown on and it fell over his eyes; and his father would only laugh, and say, _someday it will fit you._

and it does; it does, in theory, when it does not shift on his head. no, it stays exactly where it is, it does not shift or fall for anyone, and even when it feels too heavy, it does not move.

caspian wishes it would. he wishes it out the window, off the balcony. away from his sight so he can _breathe_ again, have his lungs full of seasalt and ocean spray, and perhaps then he could touch the sky with his soul and never think of the throne again.

a throne drenched in blood, just for him. a hard throne that will never be comfortable, not even for the king who stole it with a blade to his brother’s throat; and he is just another caspian, the voice in the back of his head whispers, when he looks in the mirror in the morning. he is just another caspian, with an _x_ beside his name; perhaps to symbolise where the others lay, or just how many there are. 

he signs it in a cursive that he forces to be neat- because when he scribbled notes on parchment slipped into the pages of his story books, he took comfort that no one else could read them- and the name that is his haunts him, weighing down on his shoulders like the crown does on his head.

caspian is more alive than edmund has ever seen him at sea, and when he blinks back tears in front of the wave that separates him from his father, when he promises to be a better man, the lion tells him he already is.

he carries his father in the way that he walks, the colour of his hair, his eyes in the sun; and his father ends where caspian struggles to hold his head high, where his voice betrays him when he goes to command the crew that he must. and his worries of his father being disappointed in what he’s become plague the crevices of his mind, but he _will not be just another caspian_. 

he can’t be.

and so he gives up the life at sea, lost to a throne, because the people need him. and he does not resent them for it; he still smiles at them, he will still lend an ear to their problems, (and perhaps, a law, depending on what’s brought to his attention,) and he will still carry out his vow he made to himself and the entire country that he would fix it.

at the end of the day, when he’s looking in the mirror, and the whisper of _just another caspian_ makes a home inside his mind, he asks the father that he has tried so hard not to become and yet wishes to impress, _have i done enough?_

and he, of course, receives no answer, and he questions whether or not he would be truly happy if he did.

caspian x is the telmarine king that changed it all, but he will not let himself forget the blood that his name holds.

caspian x is the seafaring king and the navigator, but is rooted on land for longer than he wishes.

caspian x is the king that never wanted to be, but needed to be.


End file.
